Caligula ruled the Roman Empire from 37-41 AD until he was overthrown, but not before he made his horse a senator.
Caligula: Iâm glad you all could make it. I present…Senator Seabiscuit.
Caligula: Iâm sorry folks, just one minute. (to Seabiscuit) You will not embarrass me tonight.
Caligula: Introduce yourself. Now.
Seabiscuit: (takes a deep breath) I realize having a horse as your senator may not be ideal, but I am more than qualified. I went to UCLA for undergrad and USC for grad school.
Attendee 1: (raises hand) I donât know what a âUSCâ or âgrad schoolâ is, but congrats on getting into UCLA, thatâs huge. Also, I have a question about how this will impact our daily lives.
Seabiscuit: Ah, yes. I am well aware of the current famine. I know you all have been suffering greatly. I plan to implement a ration system and place silos on every–
Attendee 1: Ok, great, but I was actually wondering if Iâll have to keep eating my own shit every day.
Seabiscuit: As I was saying, with the new storage facilities, we should be able to avoid undesirable–
Attendee 2: (raises hand) Will I be free to eat my own shit if I want to?
Seabiscuit: The short answer is âyesâ. The long answer is âplease, donât do thatâ.
Attendee 3: (raises hand) So to be clear, you will not be regulating our shit consumption?
Seabiscuit: I wasnât planning on it. If we could focus our attention to the upcoming battle, weâd find that our province is wildly unprepared. Luckily, Iâve led massive armies to victory countle–
Attendee 4: How can we trust you? How can we be sure that you wonât just wake up one day and ban all shit-eating?
Seabiscuit: Is this something that you are all concerned with?
All attendees nod.
Seabiscuit: You have my word.
All attendees cheer wildly for their new senator.